The stuff and things

You know, I'm
On a flight to Darwin and I'm just rereading your messages and I feel so horribly guilty. I don't know how exactly to describe how I feel right now but numb and empty comes to mind. There's no feelings at all in there, about anything. I didn't even get that excited feeling I usually get when I was in Brisbane last week and saw all my friends. My favorite songs can't pick me up and my favorite books don't hold my attention. Chocolate doesnt help an neither does alcohol. I just want to disappear and sleep for a week. My work is so stressful at the moment I think it's messed with my emotions. It's the bad timing thing again but maybe that's a sign. I don't want it to be because that means those good feelings I uses to get around you will never ever come back. And I don't want to give in just to keep you as a friend when you want something more. I feel let down and I'm sure you do too. I've never understood angry You and that's the person that pushes me away further in these situations and stops me for forgiving and forgetting when i need to. I'm a messed up girl and not worthy ofAnyones time. I don't do the gushy love stuff and I'm too self involved to let anyone in unless
I'm feeling extremely vulnerable. You wanted to know whats on my mind well there it is.. Right there.. It doesn't make sense an it's not in sequential order but that's just how i work.. Maybe I'll press send when I land in Darwin, maybe I won't