MENTAL ILLNESS AND DEPRESSION

Have any of my friends been through dealing with a close family member and suicide. I'd love a hug if you have :(

All of us have two minds, a private one, which is usually strange, I guess, and symbolic, and a public one, a social one.
Most of us stream back and forth between those two minds, drifting around in our private self and then coming forward into the public self whenever we need to.
But sometimes you get a little slow making the transition, you drag out the private part of your life and people know you’re doing it.
They almost always catch on, knowing that someone is standing before them thinking about things that can’t be shared, like the one monkey that knows where a freshwater pond is.
And sometimes the public mind is such a total bummer and the private self is alive with beauty and danger and secrets and things that don’t make any sense but that repeat and repeat and demand to be listened to, and you find it harder and harder to come forward.
The pathway between those two states of mind suddenly seems very steep, a hell of a lot of work and not really worth it.
Then I think it becomes a matter of what side of the great divide you get caught on. Some people get stuck on the public, approved side and they’re all right, for what it’s worth.
And some people get stuck on the completely strange and private side of the divide, and that’s what we call crazy and its not really completely wrong to call it that but it doesn’t say it as it truly is.
It’s more like a lack of mobility, a transportation problem, getting stuck, being the us we are in private but not stopping… –Scott Spencer, Endless Love

I've stopped waiting for you

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
· i’m almost 28
· i love travelling
· i work too much
· i have a younger brother
· i dream alot
· i have over 25 hours of ink
· i get along better with guys
· i like to drink
· i still sometimes wonder who i am
· i always want to be everywher eat once
NINE THINGS YOU’VE THOUGHT ABOUT RECENTLY
· how i always think about being someone else
· that i want to be overseas again
· how someone i've never met, can connect to me better than anyone else
· why is he judging me
· why it’s never worked out with any guy
· should i finish unpacking?
· how stupid i've been the last three years.. but maybe its for a reason
· i need to go back to my stress free life
· lucero are amazing
EIGHT WAYS TO WIN YOUR HEART (sorry sarah i copied yours because.. well they're perfect)
· make me laugh
· some similar interests as me
· make me feel special and treat me right
· be smart
· don’t smoke and do excessive drugs
· be honest &open all the time. trust me.
· be interested in who I am and find out who that is
· be there for me when I need you for support
· be yourself and have fun
SEVEN FAVORITE BANDS/MUSICIANS [no specific order]
· lucero
· gaslight anthem
· death cab for cutie
· against me!
· rise against!
· sleigh bells
· the postal service
SIX THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP
· read
· have a chocolate milk
· brush my teeth
· listen to music
· check facebook
· think
FIVE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO FIVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT
· i'll never understand why i wasnt good enough for you
· i can't believe how selfish you were my last week with you
· i miss you so much girl, i didnt realise how inseperable we were
· you're on my mind 24/7, do you think this will really work?
· I have this idea about you i cant get out of my head, and you dont even realise it do you??
FOUR THINGS YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW
· listening to lucero
· lying in bed wearing only a tshirt and undies
· re reading my messages from you
· drinkign red wine
THREE THINGS YOU’RE SCARED OF
· being alone for the rest of my life
· failing at work
· not remembering my family
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
· see every part of the world (one continent to go!)
· be content with myself
ONE CONFESSION
i think about you all the time

You left me cold but you still come around
Please don't knock on my door
You want to stay, I don't want you to go
But I know you don't love me no more
I tried and I tried time after time
I've given you all that I can
Now I'm weak and I want you
But I can't take the pain
Please say goodbye again

You come and you go just as you please
Don't care if you got no one else
Your voice is soft and your eyes are sweet
But they don't hold the love you once felt
I tried and I tried time after time
I've given you all that I can
Now I'm weak and I want you
But I can't take the pain
Please say goodbye again

And I know I've wasted time
Just waiting round here for you
Please won't you say goodbye
And this time follow through

Sometimes all that I want
is just to see your sweet face
But I know better than to see you again cause
I know I can't make you stay
I tried and I tried time after time
I've given you all that I can
Now I'm weak and I want you
But I can't take the pain
Please say goodbye again

Grey skies and light fading, headlamps making patterns on the wall
Uptown it's dead now but, out here no one seems to care at all
Slick girls and sick boys and each one lining up to take it home
They hold tight their coin and pray no one has to see the fall
I'm there, yeah I serve them, the one with the empty looking eyes
Come closer, you'll see me: the face that is used to telling lies

Saturday nights in neon lights, Sunday in the cell
Pills enough to make me feel ill, cash enough to make me well
Take me, take me to the riot
Take me...

You sprung me, I'm grateful
I love when you tell me not to speak
I owe you but I know you, you'll have me back but it's gonna take a week
What now kid?, which way love?
Will we ever make up and be friends?
Good news is my shoes is lined with all my nickels and my tens
Let's do them! Just feed me... I hate when I have to go to sleep
You despise me and I love you
It's not much but it's just enough to keep...

Saturday nights in neon lights, Sunday in the cell
Pills enough to make me feel ill, cash enough to make me well
Take me, take me to the riot
And let me stay...

I'll never be the girl that makes your heart melt when you look up and see me walk in... You'll always be my firestarter though!

coming to the v lounge, leaving work an hour earlier than i need to too with the false pretense of achieving work in the sanctuary that is an airport airline lounge.... one of the only current pleasures in my life.

please change when i move back to brisbane. please get easier. I know i'm the only person that can make it easier for myself, but theres always that wishful feeling that someone out there will help make me feel complete.

90 miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving
I don't know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later
You're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the 97th time tonight

Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you
Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me tonight?

Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you
Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the One for you

Sad

Really disappointed at the way my move was announced , may as wll have just put a status on Facebook

You're too spineless

To move on...

Sunset panic on the street..

P.l.

This list is what went right...your name is written twice

I'm going to be spending a lot of time charging my phone at bars tonight... It's replaced my pen and paper...

Nerves

This is the most nerve racking flight I've ever been on.

Just to say I care

I have it playing in my head

Large

Sometimes you gotta live large to feel large

Going home

This guy.. Why is our friendship so perfect

Cribs

Perth home away from home...

Away from it all

A few really odd things happened to me in Perth this week....

1. I reconnected with an old friend an it was amazing
2. I met a boy who is in love with me after just three drinks with me..I don't know how I feel about that
3. The words of Tom gabel filled a huge void in my heart and let me feel free for a night...

Stolen

I saw this photo on a friends page and it's pretty much the best weddin photo I've ever seen...

If I'm dreaming you, and your dreaming me... So why don't we choose a different story...

Ramona falls I wouldn't be alive without you right now

Sent from my iPhone

...

Maybe tonight is the night I can out myself right out there... To someone ...

Perfecting loneliness...

Tim Barry

It's taken some time for the wounds to start to heal
I've accepted who I am
I've come to terms with what I feel
I've been angry for so long only now do I start to come around
But I've come to realize that there is peace to be found

It's ok when I'm away
Cause There's nothing that can never change
The road is just long enough
Enough to forget the pain

Sitting on a rocky road
People falling from my sight
Since I took the time to understand
They became the reasons to fight
I may get knocked down
I may not make it all the way
But I know I got to try if I'm gonna make a difference someday

It's ok when I'm away
Cause There's nothing that can never change
The road is just long enough
Enough to forget the pain

Adventures of dugong part 2

My new lover

Adventures of dugongs part 1

Sydney bound

I'll swim backwards

I still hate that it only took 5 hours to fall back in love with you... And wish that I lived somewhere else.....

Sent from my iPhone

I'll sink the ship and drag us both down

You finally said you could give me what I want... But then you went quiet... And I haven't heard from you in a week... Did you make a mistake...

Sent from my iPhone

Stars

I spent the night staring at the sky, waiting for a shooting star so u could wish for you to miss me.....

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wait for something better, that doesnt mean us.

ahhh swimming again.

I am having a surprisingly good week, i cant think why. It's just the little things that are all starting to make sense to me again, and i slowly feel like i'm getting a grasp on reality, well as close to reality as i want to get.

i've been doing my own thing lately and it seems to be working for me, i feel content. well almost. the anger that faced me daily at work has subsided, not because anything has changed except for me.

drinking less. this is good. not less than you though, but thats ok.

and other you, well you gave me tea this morning becuase i was sick and you pretty much melted my heart, i dont think anything could ruin my day after that. i've resisted your advances and we are still on the friendship level, and i really dont want it to be any other way.

i need to rest my dreary head, talk soon....

day 17

start over again

Day 5. study more.

Day 2. Wear ironed clothes and improve confidence at work.

kambah

i walked around the block, knowing which house was yours. i'd left my barrow behind, not entirely sure why, since it was my excuse for being there. i knocked on the door and he didn't answer, so i walked around the back, i knew the path well. 'excuse me sir, i'm just here to collect your recycling' he looked up at me, glazed eyes. 'i dont have any' says this man with little recognition crossing his face. 'i've come to collect it if you do sir'. 'say', he mutters ' are you any good with flights, here take a look at these i am going away on a business trip' he thrusts a pile of papers in my hands, receipts, itineraries and confirmation emails. this would certainly do for recylcing i thought. 'i myself have a flight today, let me take a look, i can check you in online'. i grasp the papers, searching for information. he's not going in the same direction in me. 'i don't understand sir, your flight is leaving from sydney in 2 hours'. the glazed eyes move to my face, and i see he has no intention of moving. 'it is a 2 hour drive to sydney sir, how ever will you get there in time'. he looks solemnly at the ground. i know what he is thinking. if she was there, he would get there on time.

perfect day

Have you ever felt like This?
Like every time you swing you miss
If good things come to those who wait
But a dollar short and a day too late
So back up my heart and run
Cause I'm afraid of what will become
And I feel I need some time from everyone
Your like a perfect day to me
But I watch you walk away
And I didn't catch your name
But if you pass back the root you tore
I'll be the one you've waited for
The one you will adore
So what do I have to lose
Say hello and make my move
We'll leave town and drive all night
If we're together everything's alright
So back up my heart and run
Cause I'm afraid of what will become
And I feel I need some time from everyone
Your like a perfect day to me
But I watch you walk away
And I didn't catch your name
But if you pass back the root you tore
I'll be the one you've waited for
The one you will adore
Maybe this is goodbye
Baby please don't cry
It will be alright
Well if I had the courage to say hello
We'd be on our way, I know
But I'm on my way alone
Your like a perfect day to me
But I watch you walk away
And I didn't catch your name
But if you pass back the root you tore
I'll be the one you've waited for
The one you will adore
Perfect day!
Have you ever felt like This?
Like every time you swing you miss
If good things come to those who wait
But a dollar short and a day too late
So back up my heart and run
Cause I'm afraid of what will become
And I feel I need some time from everyone
Your like a perfect day to me
But I watch you walk away
And I didn't catch your name
But if you pass back the root you tore
I'll be the one you've waited for
The one you will adore
So what do I have to lose
Say hello and make my move
We'll leave town and drive all night
If we're together everything's alright
So back up my heart and run
Cause I'm afraid of what will become
And I feel I need some time from everyone
Your like a perfect day to me
But I watch you walk away
And I didn't catch your name
But if you pass back the root you tore
I'll be the one you've waited for
The one you will adore
Maybe this is goodbye
Baby please don't cry
It will be alright
Well if I had the courage to say hello
We'd be on our way, I know
But I'm on my way alone
Your like a perfect day to me
But I watch you walk away
And I didn't catch your name
But if you pass back the root you tore
I'll be the one you've waited for
The one you will adore

iron

trying to feel the Motivation ....

Next Step.
Day 1. Wear clothes that are ironed....


I can do this.

Your eyes were covered in sunglasses when they first met mine

Imagine if the boys I fell in love with in the countries I visit were all In the same place at the same time.. Would I know what to do with my life then?

Sent from my iPhone

Tonight

If you dont here from me u don't know what u mean to me

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Oh

U made
Me so sad I thought I did smile

Apparently I don't
Sent from my iPhone

You

Yousee me looking

I know I make you feel uncomfortable

Deal

Sent from my iPhone

I sigh with silence as I put my phone down a d choose not to talk to any of you ... The heart breaks with the satisfaction if stepping away

Alone...

Sent from my iPhone

if i fell in love with you...

you crawled into my bed in the early hours or the morning, and i could smell the whisky before you even curled up beside me. you apologised as usual, and promised not to be a jerk... and then you seduce me with the beatles... what am i supposed to do with you?


If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.




If I fell in love with you.....

Silent Jury

None emotional posts are boring

Vibrant Thing

life is a vibrant thing...

I can imagine what my friends are going through in Brisbane, my heart goes out to those of you that lost homes, cars and belongings. To those of you that have no income because you're work has shut down. I would love to do anything I can to help you, and aside from donating to the flood appeal I really wanted to come and see you all and help you clean up, but my own financial situation is really not that great right now so I can't.

Last night I ruined my own night out, when i went to get money out and realised i'd spent far too much this fortnight and there were no funds left in my drinking account. I need to regain some control over funds but still enjoy myself as much as I do.

S is no longer a part of my life, I dont know why I put myself through that. Note to self, watch out for the rebound boys.. but well isn't everyone on the rebound?

The new path is getting clearer and clearer and my strength is building.. I'm not going to let myself down this time.

It would be great

If I followed my own advice

Sent from my iPhone

A tendency towards melancholy

I think it's time to follow a different path...

I just have to be strong enough to stop myself.

And I've got to stop falling...

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I guess I should start loving the people that love me rather than worrying about the ones that don't...

Sent from my iPhone